Dear R.Abbi,
I did something terrible. I kept a secret from someone for so long, and I lied to cover it up, and yesterday guilt over came me and I told my secret and now I think I lost one of the most important people in my life. And I don't know what to do. And I don't know if they'll ever forgive me and I don't know how I can live if they can't.
What do I do?
This is taking every ounce of energy out of me, I feel trapped inside of myself. It's hard for me to function. I'm scared, too, because of threats, because of harsh decisions, because of not knowing. It's not like I've committed an unforgivable sin, and I believe in karma, but I'm not sure if what I did was nearly as bad as what I'm getting for it.
Help me!
-Guilty
Dear Guilty,
The steps to forgiveness are acknowledging the wrong you have done, making an honest amends. You can’t control if your friend will forgive you. You just can’t.
You can acknowledge what you did wrong and promise not to do it again. Then all you can do is listen to hear them and then respect their wishes. If they tell you not to contact you, don’t. If they tell you that they want you to do X, you must think about doing that (or negotiate with them to do something that feels appropriate for you to do).
How you can live with the guilt?
That’s something that only time will tell.
What you can do is to start by living with the guilt.
Live with the gut-wrenching pain in your stomach and don’t do anything to try to make it go away. Live the guilt.
Really.
If it is something that will not go away, you ought to learn what it feels like.
Like when you lost a tooth as a child. You had to re-learn what the contours of your mouth felt like.
Re-learn what you feel like with the guilt.
Be uncomfortable in it.
It’s really the only thing you can do.
With regard to karma... you think you understand how karma works just because you believe in it?
P-lease.
No one understand how karma works . . . Anyone who says they do is lying. Saying you understanding how karma works is like saying you know God’s true name.
With love,
R.Abbi
1 comment:
Well I am of entirely different opinion, and think that you do not need to live in guilt since you have done your best by facing your fear right in front of them, rather you should feel proud to have admitted in front of your friends, that you have the courage. We commit mistakes in life however some mistakes many a times become a blessing for the other person, so what matters is the heart that if you want best of things for that person then you need not feel guilty rather pray in the depths of your heart to turn all this into the most positive outcome and best course in your situation and convert it to be a blessing in disguise for both!!!!
Do not waste your life in living in guilt. You are a Buddha within who is courageous to face the implications of his actins when they have the right intent.
Best Regards
Parul
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